How do you take it when your enemy wins? When you are down in the count, out of time, and the victor is dancing over your defeat...how do you tend to respond?
|I get knocked down, but I get up again. Ain't NOTHING gonna break MY stride.|
I have not figured this one out, yet. I am a terrible loser. True, I have learned to take it better over the years, but there are still certain losses I can NOT tolerate. What instantly comes to mind is when the victor is particularly insensitive in their celebrations...and I am most sensitive when my child is their victim. However, there are an untold number of situations of my own.
For example: when a lesson doesn't land well; when, a client doesn't seem to click with me; when I am in a group of people, and I feel excluded; when someone admonishes me with snooty silence or non-verbal judgments...; when a friend I thought was close just up and ghosts me. I am continually heartbroken by every failed relationship I can’t explain, and it is hard to just put that aside. Bitterness and hurt can be so discreetly buried under the surface and BAM! something stirs them alive in my soul. I find myself shocked at my need to forgive and grieve.
But...I am learning a lot about being brave and taking the steps to make myself available despite my insecurity and fear of failure and loss. I am learning that the difference is not WHETHER I will fail but WHEN I fail, what do I do? Do I give up? Do I withdraw? Or do I pick myself up and write it off as the consequences of life?
Some day, I would love to be able to say to my adversaries, “Congratulations….you win,” and not feel like my very humanity has been defiled. I am not yet there. For now, I will practice with my trustworthy core...AND in the midst of small defeats, like Candyland vs. Evan.
I am not, currently, at the point where I can watch as the adversarial victor blows pomp and circumstance in my face…as if in deliberate attempt to emphasize their own, personal, greater worth. I am not there. I, honestly, don’t know that I will ever be there. But I can promise you, I will keep on fighting to the bitter end…it is not my job to care what other people think - excepting those who deem themselves worthy of my submissive ear.
|Life can be so uncomfortable. I am choosing to allow myself to be surrounded by the ones who truly care about me.|
Jesus didn’t always appear to win. And he didn’t always persuade the leadership, let alone win popular opinion. Sometimes, victory comes in the midst of the most brutal defeat. And sometimes, the witnesses are few.
For now, I will continue to stand…to focus on what is before me…to express gratitude in the loss and in the gain. Because, I truly believe the outcomes we currently experience pale in comparison to the outcome we face, if we keep on pursuing the heart of God in the midst of it all.
Sometimes we suffer. Sometimes our hearts bleed. And sometimes we never get the answer to our gut wrenching pleas.
How do you come back from that?
|...AND by making time to cuddle puppies. As I, previously, said. Puppies and babies make everything better. Amen.|
By being brave. By choosing to press on. By committing to the faith that is NOT currently seen. By holding up your head with dignity and refusing to accept the pressing belief that defeat negates your worth, because your worth has NOTHING to do with wins and losses. Your worth is in your unique existence, the talents and gifts you offer as sacrifice to a LIVING God. Your worth is in the integrity you walk in and the generosity of heart you receive from Him. Amen?
So…when (not if) you suffer and grieve, however intensely, however small…come to the fount, you saints of the Lord. Be cleansed. Be renewed. Be redeemed. Be revived. And continue on your way a deeper, a stronger, a wiser version of yourself…one leg closer to your ultimate victory.