We Are Where We Are



What a beautiful weekend we had here.  We finally got past the scorching heat and into some lovely Fall weather, just in time for the local Fall Festival.

I'm not a big fan anymore.

Forgive me.

I promise I'm not a total scrooge or anything, but I feel like my personality has done a complete 180...wait...Did I ever really get that excited about festivals and holidays?  Maybe, a bit, when the girls were small.  I enjoyed letting them spend a little money on the rides and games.  But, back then, we had an excruciatingly tight budget.  And technology has only improved. Amazon has come in with the easy, online acquisition of just about (literally) ANYTHING you want.  And there is a trampoline park or an all-you-want gaming center around every corner.  The boys have so much access to so many fun things.  It is hard to get excited about walking shoulder to shoulder with total strangers in a confined outdoor space, when I know they can have just as much fun without having to violate my personal space.



After all, my circumstances have also changed.  Where I once felt like Rapunzel locked in the tower of isolated "stay home/homeschool mom," I now visit about 20 different schools a month.  I see people.  A LOT.  I love people, a lot, but even I have my limits.  

Fortunately, for me, my sister offered to take me and the boys.  I played my part.  I enjoyed the smells. (It's not difficult, though, to pass on the overly expensive food, when you don't happen to eat meat...not a lot of vegetarian food trucks out there. 🤷). And I took one look at my beloved funnel cake and said, "Nope.  I will regret you later."

Am I being TOO sensible?  Have I let all of the air out of the balloon of life with my overwhelming focus on responsibility?  I mean...everything is literally time, work and money to me right now.  I remember a day, far off when I was just bored and lonely.  It was a weekend night, and I had no plans and no friends.  I got all dressed up, and I sat in front of the open door just hoping someone would drive by, see me and stop in.  I watched tv for an hour or two before I gave up, washed up and went to bed.


Gosh.  I feel so sorry for her, in a way...that lost and lonely version of me.  I wish I could give to her just a portion of what I have now.  But, then, I couldn't have handled it then...could I?  I was too focused on me. I didn't have the perseverance or the confidence or the responsibility to handle it all back then.  I see myself in these teens I parent and the ones I teach.  They are on the verge of adulthood, but they are just not there yet.  They are still babies...learning and growing into what they have coming to them.  And, maybe THAT is why I am working so hard.  To soften the blow that is to come.

Of course, my job is also to make sure this generation of teens has a better time transitioning to adulthood.  I preach really smart things, like "don't go into to debt for school unless you have a solid, well-paying career in mind."  Know how I know?  I went to one of the most expensive schools to become a teacher.  That's rich, isn't it?!  (LOL...I think this is the first time I've actually, used that!). 

I won't even get into the plethora of other mistakes I made that have made my life unnecessarily difficult.  But, suffice it to say, I am teaching today's youths by my non-example, as usual.


Tip #1:  Start out at a community college.

Tip #2:  If you can attend that community college while in high school.  Yes and amen.

Tipe #3: If you are not interested in school, don't go to college.  College is not the end-all-be-all for every senior in high school. Apprenticeships and trades offer really good wages for very little (to NO!!) debt.

And that's enough about work.  I have more to say about making my life unnecessarily difficult.  I take on WAY TOO much.

I am a perfectionist.  I try to do it all, and then I am never satisfied with my work.  I am a micro-managing boss in my own head, everyday, all day.  (Probably explains why I will only work for a select few who do not intensify this for me.).  


Anyway, there is one thing about winter that I like.  Some of my self-induced responsibilities (#OperationSaveTheEarth) are dwindling down, while others (#transition) are increasing.  The garden is nearly a wrap.  I picked the majority of the grapes.  I had enough for 9 jars of jelly, and plenty leftover for my first (hopefully) successful batch of Concord wine.  

And that leads me to this.  You can NOT always control the outcome.  But you can put in the effort to ensure the potential for success.  

I used to think nothing was in my control, and so I shouldn't even try...or worry about planning and effort. That was not the right way, either.  I have found it much more successful to plant richly, put in as much effort as I can and multiply the opportunity for success.  It's kind of a "don't put all your eggs in one basket" approach.  I don't know.  Seems to be working alright.

Nothing is perfect in life.

You can't have it all.

Can someone lend me a cliche?  I've seemed to run out.  ðŸ˜‰ðŸ¤£

Ah, well...we were on the garden.  The garden is nearly wrapped up for the winter.  I have a few green beans, the potential for more yellow squash, ongoing volunteer odd-shaped "cherry" tomatoes and a few butternut squash.  It might sound like a lot, but comparatively speaking, it's nada.  Low maintenance.

Baseball, which takes a significant amount of time, is also receding into the on-coming winter.  (FYI...kid is SLOWLY getting back into the "swing" of things.  Pun intended.  He seems to have pulled a hamstring, so his running is sub-par.  But he managed to hit a triple, and he did well fielding on both first and second base.  Love this guy so much...I massaged his butt.  Sometimes mom's have to fulfill the role of personal trainer. 🤷)

I have Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas season ahead of me, but let's not go too far.  One step at a time.  One foot in front of the other.

We are where we are, and we will get where we are going.  I think Winnie the Pooh said something about the river knowing this.  Look it up and call me out if I am wrong.  Please!  I love to hear from you.

For now, good night and good sleep my friends.  I am not any more ready for the week than you are, but...alas, we are here.

Out of curiosity...Did you SEE that Stranger Things trailer?!!  Sorry, in advance, if you are not a fan.  'Cause...we are.  And while this Freddy Kruger thing is totally messing with my 1984 me, I can't help but remember Evan's motto:  "Grandma...Scary doesn't bother me.  Sad does."  Amen and good night!! 






Comments

  1. I feel the same about the fall Fest. I want to get excited - my kids always loved it sooooo much. It’s almost a melancholy feeling now. No, I’m not spending my hard earned money on crafts I don’t want to dust around. No, I’m not waiting in a super long line for…anything. But it is fun watching the boys get excited about things and there is something kind of sentimental in the act of going. I feel bad that the boys aren’t getting the same childhood that all the older cousins got, so I will keep going for that alone! :)

    I have definitely changed from the girl who didn’t want to miss out on anything to the girl who would prefer to be alone. Sometimes I miss the fun Kaci. But usually I’m too tired to care!

    ❤️❤️ Kaci

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    Replies
    1. I take comfort in knowing it is not just me. 💕. Thank you for the heartfelt comment. You encourage me!!

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