To Those Who are Better

You know what is the skill I am most grateful for learning in all of my Master's in Counseling?  Unconditional positive regard.  Putting judgment aside and caring for the individual.

This did not come naturally, and I did not develop the skill without hesitation.  ("Is this being morally corrupt?!!"  Dear God, no.  This is showing the love of Christ in a way that is most effective!  It doesn't mean I am advocating for immorality if I love someone and am kind and compassionate.  When has hate and rejection ever once brought a person into the love of Christ?!)


The truth is, we are all naturally judgy.  And when we are all Christian about it, we are at our worst.  (PLEASE read Jesus's remarks about the Pharisees.  They were the "good Christians" of the day...and his views were not positive.)  We all have the instinct to judge and gossip, and this internal, aching desire to make ourselves feel "better."  I am not among the innocent.

And you know what?  Right about the time I was learning about unconditional positive regard, I was also being called out on the fact that I held my judgments on my sleeve and made people sometimes feel like they are "lesser than" for some choice that they made or belief they held.  And you know what else?  I've been on the receiving end of those snooty stares or snide remarks.  Yeah...I heard that.  I'm going to go ahead and let you be you, because there are reasons I am who I am and reasons I am not who you are.

And I know that I should lend grace when I am judged.  But my fear is focused on what damage you might be causing to others?  Perhaps you are unaware of the power you wield in the whole of your being...the way you think, the way you hold your body, the expression on your face, the tone and volume you use when you speak.

They work together, these things.  You cannot be real with all but one and get away with it.  If your tone is sickeningly sweet but your words are cutting, you will not leave the "feel-good" impression you might hope.  And if your thoughts are belittling, it is more than likely showing in the expression on your face.  People will never be oblivious to your judgments, as long as you keep them; and you have the power to cause real harm if you are not fully aware of the judgments you carry.  There are some really fragile beings out there, who have not developed confidence or a thick skin, who really do depend on your opinions.  (Fortunately, I am no longer one of those people.  If you cut me, I will heal.  However, I am also not one to keep my mouth shut when confrontation is needed.  And...it is needed.)

So.  Please.  Be conscious of your judgments, deal with them, and choose love.  And, by the way, that love has to come from the depths of your heart and mind, (Love your neighbor as yourself.  Not more.  Not less.) or even in the smallest, most simple judgments, you are choosing to harm and to hate.

After all, I really don't care who you are.  I don't care the color of your skin.  I don't care about your gender.  I don't care where you live.  I don't care what kind of car you drive or how much money you make.  I don't care if you have 2.5 kids, a dog and you live in the perfectly organized stately home or if you have 10 kids, a rabbit, some chickens a cat and a fish, and live in a one-room shack.  Regardless of any of your circumstances, your privilege or your fame...and hear me carefully...

You. Are. Not. Better.  (I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you.)  But it is just the plain, flat out truth.  You are better than no one, and no one is beneath you. (The good news is you are also not beneath!)

What I don't want to ever be is the type of person who is so insecure that I always need to be comparing myself to others.  (That never ends well...either you come out above, and that is arrogant pride, or you come out beneath feeling like a beetle in a dung heap.)  Comparison is beneficial to no one.  I don't want to feel miserable, and I don't want to be the kind person who makes someone else feel miserable.  And I will admit, there are times I fall off kilter and need this reminder myself, but for the love...some of us seem to have never learned it at all.

So.  Let's recap.  You are not better or less than anyone.  (Neither am I!) You are you, and I love you for you!  Just please, be kind, and hang your judgments on the cross.  (Disclaimer: I stole that one from someone I love, but I don't think he will mind.) I think, if we all do that, the world will be a little more tolerable habitat for this fragile species we call human.  💕

Comments