Ah, but...emotions are fickle and fleeting, are they not? In all honesty, my ability to experience conflicting emotions simultaneously, is a confounding conundrum to me. While I may be angry or irritated or disappointed in a child, there is ALWAYS a simultaneous, ever-present and underlying gratitude...because every last one of these people who call me Mom was a hard-earned blessing from God. I will never completely understand the significance of 4 in my life, but it is blatantly present. I have four children. I lost four children. My surviving children are all exactly 4 calendar years and 4 calendar months apart. What is this? Who knows. I could reflect, and go on, I'm sure, but the most important point to me is that these people, while they may wear me out and stretch my patience beyond the breaking point...they are the ones to whom I am completely committed and intensely devoted. And I'm pretty sure they kind of like me, too...
HUGE smile, "So, you will just come home after school?"
"Yaaaaaaayyyy! I HATED Synergy."
Shaking my head. It seems to be the going thing around here. (Too bad, really, because it truly is a wonderful place, and it will forever hold a special spot in my heart that is anything but hate. 💖) But...it has taken me away from my priorities here, and my priorities have noticed. Matt swears he already sees a wonderful change in me. I swear the change is just that I am actually here. At least I know they missed me. But, honestly, being home can be just as difficult as being gone all the time (for your information, I am an expert, since I have fully experienced both).
Honestly, it really took some time to analyze the problem.
Exhausting. I cannot go around always being everyone's entertainer. There is only so much of me to go around. Fortunately for me, I am going round to fewer places these days (as of last Friday), and I am hopeful I will get caught up on some much needed rest and peace. Of course, if I know myself, I won't allow myself to stay in too much peace for too long. I mean...within the first hour and a half of the first morning of my first day of being done with this Master's, I was already exasperated with boredom. This "resting" might be just as difficult for me! But if I know my husband, it will last until he is good and ready to let up on the new ban on ALL extracurricular activities. (And after this year, I am pretty sure that ban will last awhile. #tryingmypatience) Just between us, while I am sitting quietly, I will keep my eyes open for the next potential adventure. 😉😂
I mean...we do have Iceland coming up. And I can not WAIT to take you with me!
As Always, Your Homie...Kristen